Hold On
by becca duhhh
Summary: Season 3. Jommy. The pics in the hotel never happened. Just when Jude thinks she can't make it anymore, she gets a suprise package, which is bigger than what is show on Tv...and, shocking secrets about her and Tommy's relationship. R&R Please. Thanks. :].
1. Starting Anew

"Jude, Darius needs you to sign something. Studio A." Kwest bellowed.

Jude wiped the tears from her eyes. He saw them though. "Jude." He muttered his voice softening as he came towards her. "You have to let him go."

Jude had just begun to forget about Tommy, after this long month, of crying, screaming in the sound proof recording booth of Studio B, and Ben and Jerry's. Every night, the same old thing, she would go home and sob at every remembrance of him, whether it be the scent of his cologne from the jacket hung so delicately in their hallway by a even more pathetic Sadie would still believes she and Tommy were meant to be, or the way her guitar doesn't feel right without Tommy's hands strumming every chord until it was in perfect tune.

"How?" Jude whispered, climbing to her feet. She had been sitting in Studio B for the longest time, trying to remember the good times, when she could hug Tommy and hold the whole world, when she could laugh and only he would understand her joke, but those times only lingered the first week after he left, then they disappeared completely.

Kwest shrugged, his best friend had just deserted a great girl, his job, and his best friend. How the hell would he know? Jude chuckled fakely and walked out of the booth. Studio A was down the hall, she turned on her heel and trudged up to the door. "Darius?" Jude asked, knocking on the bronze door.

She opened the door slightly to find the studio completely empty. A small box on the couch. "It's for you." Kwest stated as he passed by the studio, on his way to the kitchenette. Jude nodded, keeping her eyes on the box. She stepped up to it and shakily put her hand on the clipboard placed on top of it. She grabbed a pen from the desk and flipped a few of the papers back as she skimmed through the paperwork.

"Guidelines, return if whatever, blah blah blah...sign here."

She put her pen to the paper, and suddenly the clipboard dropped from her hands. Someone had beaten her to the punch; a male's scrawny signature was already on the paper. She put her hand to her mouth in surprise and sank to the floor next to the clipboard.

**Tom Quincy**

_Oh god. He's... _Jude stood shakily; she looked around the room when her eyes fell on a leather jacket, tossed carelessly on the floor. She followed the jacket to find a comb. She gasped and laughed at the same time, causing her to choke, tears washed down her porcelain cheeks.

The comb was followed by a guitar pick. She picked it up, the tip was pointing towards a closet. She put her hand over her mouth to muffle her screams threatening to boil over, and hesitantly, opened the door.

She found herself in someone's arms. Her face buried in his neck, tears sending a cool sensation down her face. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, closing his eyes and smiling at the thought of the girl in his arms.

"Damn Tommy." Jude whispered.

Tommy pulled Jude closer, their bodies pressed together, their eyes never leaving each others gaze, their foreheads pressed together. Jude put a hand to Tommy's cheek, making sure he was real. Tommy put his hand to hers and slowly encircled his index finger around hers.

"I missed you." He whispered.

Jude gently rubbed his arm with her free hand. Their eyes changed. They each grew darker. Tommy's smile faded as he searched Jude's eyes, he sensed what she was waiting for and moved his head closer to hers slowly.

When their lips connected it sent shivers down both of their spines. Jude put her hands on the back of Tommy's neck, Tommy put his hands to her hips and pulled her closer to him. They pulled away. Jude looked at Tommy breathlessly. "I love you." He whispered.

Jude felt something lurch in her stomach. She fell to her knees. She groaned and clutched her stomach. "Jude! Jude?" Tommy sank to his knees and held her hand, "What's wrong?"

"It's...it's the baby Tommy."

**Love it? Hate it? R&R Please.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing. Sad. I know. But I will marry Tim Rozon. Lol.**

**Spoilers:**

"_That Spiderman freak? He did this to you?"_

"_Tommy please."_

"_I'll kill him."_

"_No! Wait..."_


	2. Why Can't I Scream?

**Okay, there is some language in this chapter. Just to let the young readers know. But anyways, I own one thing, and one thing alone...Tim Rozon. Ha ha Tommy4eva! **

**BTW This one is for Tommy4eva my biggest fan so far!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

_Thoughts_

Regular

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Jude...can you hear me?"

_Fuck you Tommy. I just lost my child do you think I **want** to hear you?This is all his fault, I would have never...I can't even think about it right now. God damn why can't he just leave? I don't want to talk to him right now, where's the god forsaken nurse?_

"Yes." She lied, cringing at the touch of his hand on her waist.

She lay on her hospital bed, on her side, facing the wall, holding her stomach. Tommy stood beside her bed; he slipped his hand through the bedrail and retreated it to his side. Jude shivered at the loss of his touch, surprising herself when she turned over to look Tommy in the eye.

"Hey." He whispered.

"Hey."

_Damn those eyes. Those heaven sent eyes of an angel. His wings replaced by his leather jacket, the flaps turned up in a manner only he could pull off, his halo was his hair gel infested hair, each lock mesmerized in my head like a photograph I can't erase from my digital camera. _

I slipped my hand under the bedrail, finding Tommy's without breaking our thirsty gaze. Drinking in each other's thoughts and swigging it back before anybody else learned how to down our feelings. He smiled slightly at the gesture and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

_Look at her. She's beautiful. I can't believe I've put her through this misery over the past month, and the misery she's about to face, I have to tell her, but it will kill her, her only child, gone, just like that._

"Jude..." Tommy took a step back, releasing her hand and clearing his throat.

Jude turned to face the wall again, her hand protectively on her stomach. "I know Tommy." She muttered, blinking back tears.

Tommy's eyes shot up to the back of her head. "Oh." He shuffled his feet.

An akward silence filled the private room. Jude finally pulled herself to a sitting position and tucked her knees under her chin in a protective manner, she put her chin to her right knee and sighed.

"Whose was it?" Tommy finally spoke.

_Damn it Tommy. Why the hell would you care? Well, I suppose you would, but what would you say? Fuck it. I'm not buying the caring shit your selling. Go fuck up Sadie, see if I care, maybe then, then you'll see why I can't tell you..._

Jude remained silent. She looked down at the tiled floor. Tommy put his hand on the bedrail, leaning slightly over it so that he could look into her eyes. "Jude." He put a hand to her cheek, but Jude turned her face, causing him to retreat it quickly, shame written on his face.

_God girl, why won't you let me in? Can't you see I want to help you? Not hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you. I want to scream it to everyone, tell everyone exactly how I feel. That I love you Jude Harrison, god damn I love you like hell. And I don't care if you got knocked up by anybody, Jamie, Mason, Shay...even...Oh fuck._

Tommy looked up at Jude. His eyes burning, fires blazing, Jude saw the anger welling up inside and scooted to the back of the bed, realizing what he was thinking. "Tommy..." She was quickly interrupted when Tommy erupted.

"That Spiderman freak? He did this to you?" Tommy threw his hands in the air.

Jude flinched, "Tommy please!" She said in a whisper, but Tommy didn't hear.

"I'll kill him." He began walking towards the door.

"No! Wait!"

Jude jumped out of her bed and stopped Tommy before he exited the room, her hand resting on his arm, she pulled him a few feet from the door and shut it behind her, Tommy's eyes still aglow, but he let her lead him to a chair where he sat, she kneeled in front of him.

"For what Jude? Why the hell should I wait for Vincent to come and find out he was going to be a father? Huh? Just tell me, because honestly I don't understand why you would sleep with him in the first place! Shay I can understand, even Mason! But Speed?"

"I didn't sleep with Speed!" Jude yelled, jumping to her feet, Tommy did as well.

"Well then who was it? Who's the son of a bitch who knocked you up?" He cried.

"It was you!"

Everything went silent. I Love Lucy played quietly from the next room. Ricky walked through the door, after a long night at work. "Lucy! I'm Home!" He cried, then the television was turned off, a tired moan was heard as the elderly patient adjusted himself in his bed before going to sleep.

"How?" Tommy finally managed to whisper, "I mean...I know _how..." _He earned a slight chuckle and numerous tears from Jude as he pulled her into a warm embrace, "But...I used...we were..."

"I'm so sorry Tommy." Jude was engulfed in tears.

Tommy didn't say another word. He pulled away from Jude, not looking into her pained and tears filled eyes, he grabbed his jacket and walked the door. He stopped at the door and looked down at the tile, "Goodbye, Jude." He stated before walking out of the hospital room.

_Those eyes never carried an angel's wings, the halo above his head, it always carried a leather jacket, hair gel, and a heart of ash, it had burned to a crisp, I knew I could never tell him. I'll be damned if I ever see him again. Great job Jude, you fucked up big time. You lost him. You lost your angelic eyes._

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**R&R Please. Thanks!**

**Previews!**

**On the next Hold On we go back a 5 weeks, a week before Tommy left for Montana.**

"_Why Jude? Why would this happen?"_

"_I don't know Tommy! I guess it was meant to happen."_

**And a surprise visitor at the end:**

"_Hey stranger."_

"_Hay is for horses Jude, you know that."_

"_Then why do I feel like such an ass?"_


	3. Something Other Than Life

It was nearly seven o'clock. Jude wrapped her red scarf around her bare neck and pulled her black jacket with white striped cuffs over her black tank top. Tommy pulled his black leather jacket over his shoulders in one quick shrug, keeping his eyes on Jude all the while. They had just wrapped up Jude's second album, it was two days before her release party, and two days after they shared their second kiss.

_Drop a hint you chicken. Drop just one measly hint of the love you feel for me. I know what you feel, because I feel it to. Damn it Tommy why would I write that song if I didn't mean every word? I'm going to say it; I'm going to speak these thoughts right now, right here. _

_Shit. I'm the chicken._

"Jude?"

She guessed he asked her a question, but she was to wrapped up in her thoughts to even hear a single word he said. She widened her eyes in surprise when she found herself on her butt, on the floor. Tommy laughed as he helped her up.

"What did I do?" I asked, rubbing the small of my back at the sharp pain developing.

"You slipped on Kwest's banana peel, a kerplop! You blacked out for a good three minutes before I came back from the bathroom to find you here." He steadied her with his hands pressed firmly on both of Jude's arms.

"Thanks." Jude smiled slightly, and then she saw Tommy's eyes go dark.

_Shit. Oh no. He's...he's going...he's gonna...oh damn. _

Her arms were around his neck, her legs around his waist, his hands on her hips, carrying her to the couch of Studio A just down the hall. He closed the door behind them, not parting their lips, before gently laying her down on the couch. He moved his kisses slowly down her neck, earning a slight mumble of curses from Jude.

Suddenly Jude found a weight off of her chest. Tommy had stood up, he was quickly pacing, running his hand through his hair. "Damn it Jude." He muttered. Jude straightened her shirt, she stood up, heading for the door, when Tommy grabbed her arm and spun her around, "Why Jude? Why would this happen?" He asked, his voice barley above a whisper.

"I don't know Tommy!" She started to yell, and suddenly lowered her voice, bringing a hand to Tommy's cheek, she stroked it gently and whispered, "I guess it was meant to happen."

Tommy and Jude looked into eachother's eyes for a split second before reconnecting their kiss. Tommy moved back over to the couch and Jude followed, "Are you sure?" He asked, stroking her cheek. "Never been more." She said. And there, in the emptiness of Studio A, Tommy showed how much he truly loved her in a slow and tender way.

Jude was in a wheelchair, outside of the hospital doors. After about the third hour of her not speaking, the media and news went away. She was waiting for somebody she knew to drop by. But she doubted anybody would come. Darius and Liam, Kwest and Mason were all somewhere out of town, and Sadie had gone to visit Victoria in Europe.

**Honk. **Tires screeched. A large SUV pulled up on the curb. A slender man in jeans, a leather jacket, and a white t-shirt, slightly grungy hair, and black sunglasses stepped out of the car. But to her, he never looked more appealing.

"Hey stranger." She whispered.

"Hay is for horses Jude, you know that."

"Then why do I feel like such an ass?"

"I'm sorry."

"No, Jude, I am."

He kneeled in front of her, placing his hands on her. She smiled lightly.

"Let's get you home okay?"

"I don't _have _a home Tommy."

A single tear rolled down her porcelain cheek.

He wiped it away.

"Come on."

He helped her out of her chair and carried the single rose he had bought for her to the car, Jude climbed into the passenger side of the Hummer and waited for Tommy to turn the ignition. They sped away two minutes later.

**Hope you liked!**

**R&R Please!**


	4. My Devil, His Girl

The car ride was relatively silent. The hummer was silent even, Jude leaned her head against the window and sighed. She didn't know if she should be happy or sad, Tommy admitted his was sorry, he came back for her...and yet, she still felt she should be mad at him.

_Dammit Jude, it wasn't his damn fault the baby died! Sure it would have been nice having a little family, but that's not how it is going to be. You and Tommy just aren't meant to be. Can't you see that? Sure he came back to you, sure he held your hand, sure he was the only one to visit you, but that's because he thinks he fucked up by getting you fucked up! Forget every thought of being with Tommy, because guess what sweetie? It's not going to happen!_

Jude clutched her head, the voice inside her was screaming at her now.

_You stupid ignorant fool! You're never going to be happy!_

Jude let a moan escape her mouth and closed her eyes.

_You'll never have your prince charming._

"Jude?" Tommy looked immediately worried.

_See what you've done? You're going to die little girl!_

It was like the witch from The Wizard of Oz was in her head.

_You'll never fall in love, you'll die all alone!_

"No!" She slammed her wrists on the dashboard; she didn't know the car had come to a stop.

"Jude!"

_All alone Jude! All alone! _

The voice cackled and laughed, and faded away.

"No no no!" She felt a hand on her arm she squirmed and tried to break free but noticed the hand wouldn't let up, she let herself fall into the masculine arms and cry into his shirt. "Jude..." Tommy repeated, stroking her hair gently with his fingers.

Jude remained silent, she stared out the dashboard window to find that she was at Tommy's house, a small condo, much like her own, yet heavily decorated with patio furniture, a well kept garden, and grey shingles.

"Will I ever be happy Tommy?" Jude finally spoke.

"Of course you will girl." He kissed the top of her head.

"You just have to find the right guy to fill your heart." Jude slightly pulled away and looked deep into Tommy's eyes. She stifled a moan as she leaned onto Tommy's shoulder, his lips gliding past her temple as she rested on his body, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders.

They just sat there for close to twenty minutes, before they both fell asleep. Jude awoke the harsh whispering inside her head, she turned her head slightly to see Tommy was asleep, she sat up, straightening her hair, when the voice grew harsher.

_Alone forever._

"Not again." She looked around cautiously.

_Die alone._

"No." She brought her hands to her ears.

_You'll never be loved._

"Stop please!" She threw open the car door, and ran up the steps of Tommy's house, rain had started to pour and the sweet aroma of wet grass filled her nose. But she couldn't smell anything, she couldn't see anything, she was blinded by the voice in her head.

_Just give up right now sweetie, put an end to all your pain._

She jiggled the door in her hands.

Locked.

"No!" She cried, falling to her knees, the rain soaking through her jacket and t-shirt, causing her skin to turn clammy, she wrapped her arms around her shivering body and sobbed, quite loudly.

_Doesn't that knife look inviting? Don't you just want to end it all?_

"No I don't!" Jude jumped to her feet and was about to take off running, but only got as far as the bottom step before she fell into Tommy's arms. She had her eyes shut tightly, but she could see the worried expression on Tommy's face, rather she could _feel _it as he tightened his grip on her frail body.

"Hey." He stated, kissing her wet hair, "It's okay, what's wrong?"

Jude pulled away slightly and looked into Tommy's dark brown eyes, _Something is obviously wrong with her, something I most likely caused, something I..._

He was cut off when Jude's lips molded into his, the kiss lasted seconds, and when Jude pulled away she looked deep into Tommy's eyes. "I love you." She stated, a roll of thunder clattered above them, they both looked up as the rain began to lighten, and the clouds began to separate, a moon peaking out of the grey sky.

They looked back at one another. Jude heard two last words from the little voice in her head, just two last words before it left her head forever more.

_Not again._

The little voice left her head, Jude felt the warmth come back to her body as she leaned into Tommy's arms and kissed him gently. Tommy was the one to pull away this time, he slightly smiled and put a hand to Jude's cheek. "What happened to you girl?"

Jude sighed and leaned into his touch, "I never thought I would be happy again."

Tommy nodded. Jude continued, "Then I found you."

Tommy smiled at those last words, he wrapped his arm protectively around Jude's waist and they walked up to the front door together, Tommy pulled his keys out of his pocket, still smiling as Jude's head leaned on his shoulder. He brought her inside and walked her upstairs, gave her some fresh sweats to change into, and walked back downstairs.

After about 20 minutes he didn't hear Jude come back down so he went upstairs. He cautiously pushed open the door to find Jude asleep on his bed. He smiled and walked over to her, pulling the afghan to her chin he kissed her cheek.

"Good night girl." He whispered.

**Okay, this didn't suck too bad did it? Kind of a different side of Jude, but kind of eerie. Sorry I was in a bit of a rush to send this to ya'lls. R&R Please. **


End file.
